Interpersonal conflict is like a struggle between two different perception. Because we think differently, feel differently, we cannot have a balance between our ideas and that is usually when conflict arises. Indeed, interpersonal conflicts are seen everywhere, it's like unavoidable or should I say, inevitable? I'm sure everyone has their own fair share of dealing with interpersonal conflicts, including me. I would say most of the time, interpersonal conflicts usually bring about a tear or an end to the relationship.
Of course, I see myself facing an interpersonal conflict with my very own best friend, i call her (still ) my BFF, 'best friend forever'. We've been friends for almost 7-8 years now. We've been through thick and thin, knew exactly how interpersonal conflict had once menacingly brought our friendship to a sore, yet once again, this friendship continues to be tested.
I remembered how the incident 5 years ago had nearly brought an end to our friendship. We were only 15 years old then. One day, she fell for a guy in our school. Knowing that her mom would never approve of this "puppy love", she had me lying to her mom about her whereabouts so that she could go on dates with the guy. However, lies cannot withhold the truth and days after, BFF confronted me in school and labeled me as a blabbermouth. I was taken aback, and clueless about her reason for the accusation. I kept my word and helped her, how do I deserve such a term from her?
The truth came to light after days of a cold war with her. It seems that the countless of calls from her mom finally got on the nerves of my own mom. My mom took the endless calls as a form of harrassment and told her mom all the truth about her own daughter. Her mom questioned my BFF and told her, "your best friend has already told me all about you seeing a guy, so stop lying!". So her mom has conveniently made me a scapegoat and had my BFF thinking that it was me who sold her out.
Fortunately the conflict was resolved after we had a good talk. But many a times, not all interpersonal conflicts could be resolved, and I would like to believe that the more people are involved, the more complicated the conflict could be, the harder it is to fix it. There are also cases where such conflicts never come to an end.
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I've read through some of the blogposts written by my groupmates, it seems that the interpersonal conflicts they shared mostly have got something to do with their best friends. So it makes me wonder, is it that the more we care for him/her, the more interpersonal conflict is likely to arise? Then, wouldn't it be an irony?
Hi Alicia, what you have mentioned about interpersonal conflicts usually resulting in an end or soured relationship is rather true. However, I believe most interpersonal conflicts arise due to misunderstandings, misinterpretations and assumptions, which are simply brushed aside conveniently when we are in an emotionally charged state. Hence, the need to seek clarification of the entire situation or event is crucial in resolving these interpersonal conflicts and clearing up the dark clouds!
ReplyDeleteI am very relieved and happy that you managed this interpersonal conflict well, and in doing so, prevented the escalation of the problem into an end in your friendship!(:
Regarding interpersonal conflicts that are seemingly more likely to arise between best friends, I have noticed this trend too. In my opinion, perhaps it is precisely because these parties are close to me in life that I am more expressive emotionally, more frank about my real feelings and this type of communication may sometimes come across as too 'hurtful' or 'straightforward'. One obvious advantage of this recurring process between us would be the improved mutual understanding after resolving each and every interpersonal conflict, eventually strengthening the relationship built.
HEY Alicia!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that interpersonal conflicts should be resolved between the two parties and not involve outsiders. Most of the time, outsiders do not understand the situation of the conflict. If they do, it is usually from a 1-sided perspective and they tend to side either one party. This simply complicates things. I guess most relationship problems arise when we get closer to a person. When we get to know them well and long enough, we tend to take them for granted. This I suppose is the reason why interpersonal conflicts are more
likely to arise between best/ close friends.
For example, in your case, despite you being her BFF and helping her keep her secret for so long, she immediately believed her mother when she was told that you were the informant. Since she has known you for so long, she should understand what kind of a person you are and not doubt you. I am not saying that your BFF is in the wrong. But such conflicts are unavoidable in relationships.
Let’s just say that conflicts are obstacles in a relationship. If they can be overcome, your relationship will definitely become stronger. However, if they can’t be, the friendship will be on the rocks.
Joanna (:
Hi Alicia,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I must say, it's a very well written blog. I personally liked your grammar and found your sentences good, short and concise. :)
After going through many other blogs, it got me thinking on interpersonal conflicts. Have you realized we seldom take notice of conflicts that arise between us and a stranger? It is the conflicts between the near and dear ones that stay close to our hearts forever. Maybe it's because we are so carefree amongst the company of loved ones, that we tend to neglect their importance. We assume that they are always here to stay, come what may. Only , when we separate do we realize their true importance.
Very often , conflicts are left in midair if no-one takes any initiative. All relationships need time and some level of commitment. I am glad you were able to figure this out and solve your problem.